I know of stupor

We go to my apartment, and walk inside.  My dad's lying on the couch his leg is propped up on the table.  The man with glasses stands behinds me, and looks down at my dad angrily.  My mom isn't at home.  "Mr. Turn I'm here to inform you that we will be taking custody of your son."  My father doesn't answer he just sits there.  It's like he's there, but he's not.  The man with glasses waits for him to respond, but he doesn't.  He looks forward blank like the tv.  The man with glasses takes me downstairs, and doesn't say anything.  Then when we're just outside of the building he hugs me really hard.  He doesn't say anything for a while he just holds me there and people look at us kind of funny.  "Okay son lets take you to the orphanage.  The man walks with me down the road until we get to an orphanage, and he takes me inside.  There are a bunch of other kids there.  They all look lonely like me.  Am I home?

In the Mall

My mommy said that I should go away for a little while.  She gave me a five dollar bill, and led me gently out the door she had on perfume, and looked all dressed up and pretty.  Dad was still sleeping, and mom kept getting calls on her cellphone.  So I left our house.  I walked down the street and saw a bunch of people standing around outside of the coffeehouse.  They looked strange they're together but they look lonely.  I walk down the street to Flenox mall.  I walk inside, and I much of people are all walking around. They're all wearing their coats 'cause it's a little cold today.  I see a man with a baton and a hat on watching everyone.  He looks really careful, and smart.  I wish I could be like that man.  I walked up to him and started speaking he was really nice.  I talked to him a little bit more his name is Elijah.  He lives in the same building as me.  He looks really tired.  A man walks up and starts talking with him.  They both start acting kind of strange, and Elijah looks at me nervously.  Then he says "Kid it's time for you to go home your dad's hurt."

The Books

I wake up really early in the morning, and walk past my mommy and daddy where they lie without clothes on the couch.  The air smells really bad.  My mommy opens here eyes, and smiles at me with that hazy smile she always throws me when she's tired, but she just woke up.  She slides out of daddy's arms and walks over to me.  She runs her hands through my hair and says "How are you sweetie?" I love it when she's like this when she's here with me, and she hasn't gone away again.  "I'm fine mommy." She stands up and walks to the bathroom and shuts the door.  My father begins to wake up.  "Hello daddy." He looks at me and grumbles a little bit.  He looks all bent up like a broken toy.  "Where's your mom?" he asks.  "She went into the bathroom." His eyes light up like fireflies and he speaks "Hey bitch save some for me." He pushes me to the side and walks into the bathroom.  They start shouting at each other.  I hate it when they're like this.  I get out before they can get to me.  I walk down the stairs, and as far down the street as I can go.  They won't look for me for a while.  When they fight they forget me.  I'm all alone until I see a woman walk out of the church, and look at me funny.  "Son what are you doing here?" I look at her and say "I had to leave my place because my parent were fighting." She looks at me sadly and says "Do you want me call them." I think about it for a moment they're probably still fighting.  "No I'm good." She looks at me really angrily.  "Oh you're good are you.  You think you can just walk out on your family whenever you please." I'm confused when she says this.  "But that's what I always do, and they never stop me." She looks at me now with real worry and says "That's not how it should be.  Come inside with me."  I come inside with her and she takes me to a small room at the back of the church, and sits me there.  "I don't think it's a good idea for you to go back to your parents just yet.  I'm going to take care of a few things, but I'm leaving you in here for a little while.  Don't leave do you understand." she says.  "Yes." She walks away and I look at the room around me.  I see a few books on the shelves.  I pick one up and look at the cover.  I can't quite read the words it's been forever since grandma went away, and I haven't held a book since then.  I open the first page and read the words they are jumbled and hard for me understand, but somehow they give me a little warmth, and I read a little bit more and get a little bit warmer.  I keep on reading in that room for hours and hours.  I know I'll have to leave, but I need to come back sometime.  It's really important.

Living

The started with remembering.  I used to sit by the river and the wait for the ducks to come back to me from across the way.  Right now they're gone.  Now momma turns me loose all the time.  She and daddy yell a lot.  Sometimes we go to the woods, and she sings me to sleep.   Like today.  And then I wake up and they're gone.  Then they came back.  "Where do you go." I ask.  "Nowhere." A moment later a man came back and walked up.  Dad looked sad.  Momma's hands curled themselves over the man's shoulders, and she smiled, and he handed her something.  Then he clapped my dad on the back and walked away.  I asked "Who's that." They didn't answer.  My daddy just smacked me in the face.  It hurt really bad, and I ran away from them.  A few hours later they found me sitting outside of Castle Apartments.  Mommy touched my shoulder, and they picked me up and carried me up to our room on the seventh floor.  It was hot and dry in the room.  But we had  fan.  Daddy puts something in his mouth and starts breathing in really hard.  Then momma reaches over and puts it in her mouth.  A moment later they both look happy and they're looking through the walls.  I want to be that happy.  I start to reach for it but mommma slaps my hand away.  "None for you until you do your part."  I pull my hand away and feel stupid and guilty  I go to my room after daddy starts unbuttoning his shirt and tells me to leave, and go to sleep.  So I do.